Fun Facts About Hezbollah

Know Thy Enemy: Hezbollah
Written by Frank J
FUN FACTS ABOUT HEZBOLLAH
* Hezbollah is a political party in Lebanon. Their main platform: Kill the Jews.
* That may seem like a horrible platform, but at least they’re for something… unlike the Democrats.
* Translated from Arabic, Hezbollah means either “Goat-Enthusiast” or “Goat-Lover” considering the scholar you ask.
* Either way, they have sex with goats. That’s pretty much their whole day: plotting to kill Jews and hot, steamy goat sex.
* Hezbollah is considered a terrorist organization by Israel and the U.S., while the E.U. consider Hezbollah “delightfully eccentric”.
* Come on; if you were going to list every organization that wants to kill Jews as terrorists, then that going to be a pretty big list and I know I ain’t keeping it updated.
* Hezbollah, like many nations in the Middle East, doesn’t recognize Israel due to, I guess, far-sightedness that infects many of the region. I mean, they recognize the U.S. and we’re a couple continents away.
* Many suspect that Syria and Iran support Hezbollah in their terrorist attacks. Those Syrians and Iranians – they’re almost as meddlesome as the Jews!
* Members of Hezbollah tend to be Islamic. Have you noticed that so many terrorists these days are Muslims? Terrorism really is one area that could use more religious diversity.
* Hezbollah is situated in southern Lebanon at the border with Israel. If they hate Jews so much, you’d think they wouldn’t live so close.
* Hey, maybe their attacks on Israel are just Hezbollah’s immature way of showing they have a crush.
* Not that Israel shouldn’t slaughter the lot of them; I’m just suggesting another way of looking at all this.
* If you think you see a member of Hezbollah, contact your nearest shotgun.
* If you are surrounded by Hezbollians, just remember that they are more scared of Jew than Jew are of them.
* The diet of the Hezbollians consists of ham and bacon. If you need to feed someone from Hezbollah, give him lots of ham and bacon.
* No! Still more ham and bacon! Don’t listen to him when he says, “No more!” That’s just him trying to be polite.
* The main weakness of Hezbollah is a deadly allergy to air-to-land missiles.
* Hezbollah, much like the fresh-water carp, does not have a long history of genius and invention.
* In a fight between Aquaman and Hezbollah, Hezbollah would point their guns at Aquaman and Aquaman would just laugh and pull out his sword and cut the heads off some of them. Then he’d start gasping because the current Aquaman can’t stay out of water very long. So he’d head back to the water, and you’d think he’d call sharks to attack Hezbollah, but I haven’t seen that this Aquaman even knows how to talk to fish. So he’d just wait in the water for Hezbollah to follow so he could cut them with his sword… but he could be waiting a while.
* The U.S. Department of State accuses Hezbollah of killing up to 300 American citizens, but Hezbollah denies this. What they don’t realize is it isn’t the murder that makes us so angry, it’s that they just won’t admit to it when we know they did it.
* Wait, the murders do make me angry. Kill Hezbollah!
* The terrorist part of Hezbollah is estimated to be several thousand supporters and a few hundred terrorist operatives. That doesn’t seem like a very large group to take on millions of angry Jews.
* Then again, I’m not a murderous Muslim, so how can I judge? Frankly, if I lived in the Middle East, I’d think I’d spend my time making an internet business to sell gullible Americans sand, but that’s just me.

* IMAO – Frank J